Where is the hickey?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
