Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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