so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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