Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
