I puked a lego.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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