Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
