i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
