Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
