If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
