no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
