it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize