last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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