I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize