Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
