My sheets look like a crime scene.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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