6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
