I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
