meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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