After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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