She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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