i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
