i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
