I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
vagina is talking i cant
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize