I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize