Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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