The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
