I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
