id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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