You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
