did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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