You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
