I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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