DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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