She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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