i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
