great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize