Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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