It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
