grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
