First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
