He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize