i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
