OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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