I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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