Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
