Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
