I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
