i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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