...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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