Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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