i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had sex on a roof
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i believe in u and ur pee
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
