So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
