oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
