im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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