i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
