don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
