i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
