i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
