he shaved USA in his pubs
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
