don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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