Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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